The Twa Fannies (oan Theresa May’s wee date wi Donald).

Touchin’ doon oan US land
Wee Tessy May felt awfa grand,
Fur today she’d finally meet
Big Donny T
An’ see the White Hoose, she wis buzzin’
Oot her tree.

Her wee rid ootfit looked sae sly,
Picked oot ti match Trump’s wee rid tie,
She couldnae wait ti staun’ an’ listen
Ti his rants
An’ have a gid wee laugh
When he caw’d troosers “pants”.

She kent big Donald’s reputation
Wisnae cause fur celebration,
But she’d cosy up ti him
No matter whit,
Ti keep thir wee “relationship”
From goin’ ti shit.

She’d heard a lot aboot his plan
T’impose some styoopit, pointless ban
Oan “Muslim countries”,
Turnin’ decent folk away,
An’ tellin’ desperate refugees
They cannae stay.

Wee Tessy also kent aboot
The tendency of this galoot
Ti claim that tons of folk
Wir at his swearin’-in,
When really, naebdy gie’d a fuck;
It wis a sin.

But ne’er the less, wee Tess did beam,
She felt like she wis in a dream,
Sookin’ up ti Donald Trump,
Her new best friend;
She seemed ti think the sun shone oot
Of his rear-end.

They posed fur snaps then got some air,
Tess swooned at his dishevelled hair,
Then felt a lightness she could barely unnerstaun’
When Trump’s wee totie fingurs
Curled roon’ her haun’.

But yet, some people back at hame
Wir not impressed by Tessy’s game,
Mortified ti watch her bondin’
Wi this turd;
Gettin’ pally, hingin’ oan
His every word.

Even speaker of the hoose,
John Bercow, thinks Trump’s morals loose,
An’ barred him fae the Commons
Fur his cairry oan;
Trump’s endless rhetoric of pish
He’d no condone.

Awk Theresa, don’t you ken
‘Love Actually’ – the moment when
Hugh Grant tells the US leader:
“Stoap yir pish”.
Ti see you dae the very same
Wid be ma wish.

Alas, however, it seems fair
To say Theresa doesnae care
An’ noo plays second fiddle
Ti this piece of shite,
So noo it’s up to us wee folk
Ti win the fight.

We must keep oan keepin’ oan
An’ no let people fight alone,
Fur every persecutit soul an’ refugee
Will need oor voices shoutin’ proud
Ti set them free.


12 thoughts on “The Twa Fannies (oan Theresa May’s wee date wi Donald).

  1. Ah yer prose is awfly braw,
    Yer story tellin has nae flaw,
    Ah luv the way the wee lass,
    Leaves oor Trump on his …..,
    Another ‘bravo’ ah have tae say,
    From a wee Scot livin’ far away,
    An luvin her homeland from afar,
    She says tae you slainte mhath !

  2. Hello. I seem to be on your database twice – can you delete one of me!

    Harry Andrews 2/4 Howard St Edinburgh EH3 5JP H 0131 556 3946 M 07887 535 971


    • Aah you’re right!! 😂😂 There was supposed to be a line break after “soul”. Well noticed!! Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed it!

  3. Thank you, Lorna, for making my day and the day of countless others with your totally brilliant poem. Rabbie would be proud of you!

    • Awww thanks so much!! That’s so kind of you and I’m chuffed that it’s helped cheer you up. Everybody over here feels your pain and sympathises with you 😦

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