Jock Tamson an’ the Christmas Curry

‘Twas Christmas Eve in Killie toon But Jock wis no his best He’d aw the weans fur Christmas  An’ wis feelin’ awfu’ stressed.   They ran aroon’ the kitchen As they screeched an’ hit each ither The din wis such … Continue reading

The Twa Fannies (oan Theresa May’s wee date wi Donald).

Touchin’ doon oan US land Wee Tessy May felt awfa grand, Fur today she’d finally meet Big Donny T An’ see the White Hoose, she wis buzzin’ Oot her tree. Her wee rid ootfit looked sae sly, Picked oot ti … Continue reading

Tae A Domino’s

Fair fa’ yir cheesy, meaty face, Authentic thin an’ crispy base, Yir spicy pepperoni Leaves ma mooth in awe; Fur Domino’s a make ma case: Thir pizza’s braw. Ma belly’s growlin’ like a beast Until a get ma Chicken Feast; … Continue reading

A Scot’s Lament fur her American Fellows (Oan their election of a tangerine gabshite walloper).

America, aw whit ye dain?! How could ye choose a clueless wain Ti lead yir country? Who wid trust A man sae vile?! A racist, sexist eedjit Wi a shite hairstyle? Yet lo, ye votit (michty me!) Ti hawn’ this … Continue reading

Tam O’Chunder

Wee Tam wis chuffed, his face wis bricht; He’d hud a cracker eh a nicht, Knoackin’ back the Jagerbombs Wi Dave an’ Billy – But noo the time hud come ti catch The bus fur Killie. Fur bouncers scraped him … Continue reading

An Ode Tae Tinder

Hiy you. Aye, you! Are you alone? Do you sit waitin’ by the phone? Huv aw yir dreams eh birds an’ bees Burnt tae a cinder? Well whit yi dain, ya styoopit boay, Yi heard eh Tinder? It’s lik sunshine … Continue reading