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You slow, descending shroud of dread, Your thoughts are thorns Inside my head; You are the weight Of a terrible sea And the nightmarish march of Eternity. This black barbed wire is my brain, Although it hurts I feel no … Continue reading

The Twa Fannies (oan Theresa May’s wee date wi Donald).

Touchin’ doon oan US land Wee Tessy May felt awfa grand, Fur today she’d finally meet Big Donny T An’ see the White Hoose, she wis buzzin’ Oot her tree. Her wee rid ootfit looked sae sly, Picked oot ti … Continue reading

Tae A Domino’s

Fair fa’ yir cheesy, meaty face, Authentic thin an’ crispy base, Yir spicy pepperoni Leaves ma mooth in awe; Fur Domino’s a make ma case: Thir pizza’s braw. Ma belly’s growlin’ like a beast Until a get ma Chicken Feast; … Continue reading

A Scot’s Lament fur her American Fellows (Oan their election of a tangerine gabshite walloper).

America, aw whit ye dain?! How could ye choose a clueless wain Ti lead yir country? Who wid trust A man sae vile?! A racist, sexist eedjit Wi a shite hairstyle? Yet lo, ye votit (michty me!) Ti hawn’ this … Continue reading

Tam O’Chunder

Wee Tam wis chuffed, his face wis bricht; He’d hud a cracker eh a nicht, Knoackin’ back the Jagerbombs Wi Dave an’ Billy – But noo the time hud come ti catch The bus fur Killie. Fur bouncers scraped him … Continue reading

An Ode Tae Tinder

Hiy you. Aye, you! Are you alone? Do you sit waitin’ by the phone? Huv aw yir dreams eh birds an’ bees Burnt tae a cinder? Well whit yi dain, ya styoopit boay, Yi heard eh Tinder? It’s lik sunshine … Continue reading