The Twa Fannies (oan Theresa May’s wee date wi Donald).

Touchin’ doon oan US land Wee Tessy May felt awfa grand, Fur today she’d finally meet Big Donny T An’ see the White Hoose, she wis buzzin’ Oot her tree. Her wee rid ootfit looked sae sly, Picked oot ti … Continue reading

Tae A Domino’s

Fair fa’ yir cheesy, meaty face, Authentic thin an’ crispy base, Yir spicy pepperoni Leaves ma mooth in awe; Fur Domino’s a make ma case: Thir pizza’s braw. Ma belly’s growlin’ like a beast Until a get ma Chicken Feast; … Continue reading

An Ode Tae Tinder

Hiy you. Aye, you! Are you alone? Do you sit waitin’ by the phone? Huv aw yir dreams eh birds an’ bees Burnt tae a cinder? Well whit yi dain, ya styoopit boay, Yi heard eh Tinder? It’s lik sunshine … Continue reading

Fae A Feartie (Exasperation et the poet’s cow’rin wiys).

When ah sit doon an’ huv a think – Maist aften efter heavy drink – Ah dwell upoan wan hing that iyways Gees me doot; Am sitch a feartie when it comes Tae speakin’ oot. Noo, ah ken, this shouldnae … Continue reading

Dinnae Run Oor Wee Toon Doon (Appreciation of Bonnie Kilmarnock).

Ah’ve aftin bin disgruntilt by The wiy Kilmarnock meets the eye, An’ shown like it’s a richt auld reekin’ mankey dive, Wae shite flung et yer windaes when Ye go a drive. When cameras fae the BBC Thought Killie toon … Continue reading

The Lassie Tae Her Disca Winch (A warnin’ sprung fae remembrances eh the poet).

Sometimes when a lass heads oot She likes tae pit hersel’ aboot An’ git aff wae a big braw boay; Tall, dark and strong. However lassies, listen weel Tae ma wee song. Fur aften when yir staunin’ there, Wae his … Continue reading

Cheers (Fur Aw That).

Jings, a don’t ken whit tae say Aboot whit’s happened since Sunday Ah’ve ne’er bin sae pleased in aw ma puff. Am strugglin’ tae fin’ words that say “Thankyou” enough. Naeb’dy hud an oabligation Tae share ma wee poem roon’ … Continue reading

Tae A Selfie (A “broad Scots” poem inspired by the work of Robert Burns).

(Oan takin’ a hunner fur Facebook an’ postin’ when pished). Oh my Goad, am feelin’ great; Aff tae the dance flair tae gyrate. Oor kitchen’s lookin’ like a sea Of glam an’ glitter. A hawd oan tae ma bevvy ticht … Continue reading