Tae A Domino’s

Fair fa’ yir cheesy, meaty face, Authentic thin an’ crispy base, Yir spicy pepperoni Leaves ma mooth in awe; Fur Domino’s a make ma case: Thir pizza’s braw. Ma belly’s growlin’ like a beast Until a get ma Chicken Feast; … Continue reading

A Scot’s Lament fur her American Fellows (Oan their election of a tangerine gabshite walloper).

America, aw whit ye dain?! How could ye choose a clueless wain Ti lead yir country? Who wid trust A man sae vile?! A racist, sexist eedjit Wi a shite hairstyle? Yet lo, ye votit (michty me!) Ti hawn’ this … Continue reading

Tam O’Chunder

Wee Tam wis chuffed, his face wis bricht; He’d hud a cracker eh a nicht, Knoackin’ back the Jagerbombs Wi Dave an’ Billy – But noo the time hud come ti catch The bus fur Killie. Fur bouncers scraped him … Continue reading

The Lion’s Roar

As dawn broke oan the 7th of May, An’ Scotland rose fur pollin’ day, It never could huv guessed events Wur ti unfold That, wan by wan, wid set the land Alight in gold. As a left ti cast ma … Continue reading

Nae Mare Afraid

A pale licht crept intae the sky, When ma wee hert broke, askin’ “Why?” Hud Scotland haundit back its yin An’ only shoat Tae break oot fae the servile chains Aroon’ its throat. Fightin’ back indignant tears, An’ the sting … Continue reading

Monaghan’s Corner

     It was a quiet winter afternoon in Monaghan’s Corner. It had been quiet most of the day in fact, however it was not by any means empty. The only pub this side of Glasgow to offer authentic Irish … Continue reading

Dinnae Run Oor Wee Toon Doon (Appreciation of Bonnie Kilmarnock).

Ah’ve aftin bin disgruntilt by The wiy Kilmarnock meets the eye, An’ shown like it’s a richt auld reekin’ mankey dive, Wae shite flung et yer windaes when Ye go a drive. When cameras fae the BBC Thought Killie toon … Continue reading

Cheers (Fur Aw That).

Jings, a don’t ken whit tae say Aboot whit’s happened since Sunday Ah’ve ne’er bin sae pleased in aw ma puff. Am strugglin’ tae fin’ words that say “Thankyou” enough. Naeb’dy hud an oabligation Tae share ma wee poem roon’ … Continue reading

Tae A Selfie (A “broad Scots” poem inspired by the work of Robert Burns).

(Oan takin’ a hunner fur Facebook an’ postin’ when pished). Oh my Goad, am feelin’ great; Aff tae the dance flair tae gyrate. Oor kitchen’s lookin’ like a sea Of glam an’ glitter. A hawd oan tae ma bevvy ticht … Continue reading