The Twa Fannies (oan Theresa May’s wee date wi Donald).

Touchin’ doon oan US land Wee Tessy May felt awfa grand, Fur today she’d finally meet Big Donny T An’ see the White Hoose, she wis buzzin’ Oot her tree. Her wee rid ootfit looked sae sly, Picked oot ti … Continue reading

Tae A Domino’s

Fair fa’ yir cheesy, meaty face, Authentic thin an’ crispy base, Yir spicy pepperoni Leaves ma mooth in awe; Fur Domino’s a make ma case: Thir pizza’s braw. Ma belly’s growlin’ like a beast Until a get ma Chicken Feast; … Continue reading

A Scot’s Lament fur her American Fellows (Oan their election of a tangerine gabshite walloper).

America, aw whit ye dain?! How could ye choose a clueless wain Ti lead yir country? Who wid trust A man sae vile?! A racist, sexist eedjit Wi a shite hairstyle? Yet lo, ye votit (michty me!) Ti hawn’ this … Continue reading

Tam O’Chunder

Wee Tam wis chuffed, his face wis bricht; He’d hud a cracker eh a nicht, Knoackin’ back the Jagerbombs Wi Dave an’ Billy – But noo the time hud come ti catch The bus fur Killie. Fur bouncers scraped him … Continue reading

The Lion’s Roar

As dawn broke oan the 7th of May, An’ Scotland rose fur pollin’ day, It never could huv guessed events Wur ti unfold That, wan by wan, wid set the land Alight in gold. As a left ti cast ma … Continue reading

An Ode Tae Tinder

Hiy you. Aye, you! Are you alone? Do you sit waitin’ by the phone? Huv aw yir dreams eh birds an’ bees Burnt tae a cinder? Well whit yi dain, ya styoopit boay, Yi heard eh Tinder? It’s lik sunshine … Continue reading

Nae Mare Afraid

A pale licht crept intae the sky, When ma wee hert broke, askin’ “Why?” Hud Scotland haundit back its yin An’ only shoat Tae break oot fae the servile chains Aroon’ its throat. Fightin’ back indignant tears, An’ the sting … Continue reading

Fae A Feartie (Exasperation et the poet’s cow’rin wiys).

When ah sit doon an’ huv a think – Maist aften efter heavy drink – Ah dwell upoan wan hing that iyways Gees me doot; Am sitch a feartie when it comes Tae speakin’ oot. Noo, ah ken, this shouldnae … Continue reading

Monaghan’s Corner

     It was a quiet winter afternoon in Monaghan’s Corner. It had been quiet most of the day in fact, however it was not by any means empty. The only pub this side of Glasgow to offer authentic Irish … Continue reading

Dinnae Run Oor Wee Toon Doon (Appreciation of Bonnie Kilmarnock).

Ah’ve aftin bin disgruntilt by The wiy Kilmarnock meets the eye, An’ shown like it’s a richt auld reekin’ mankey dive, Wae shite flung et yer windaes when Ye go a drive. When cameras fae the BBC Thought Killie toon … Continue reading